The Return of Me

It's been a while since my last posting, perhaps years even. Many things have changed. My views, my opinions, my life. I will once again, attempt to chronicle my life, my struggle with balancing the good and the bad, my constant war between the love for food and weight control. The fight between balancing my thoughts from crossing over to the dark side. Over the years, the need for pharmaceutically induced happiness; no, should I say numbness..have slowly decreased. Although I still keep a bottle of Xanax handy in my medicine cabinet, along with a bottle of miniature Chivas; just in case the need arises.

Many people have come and gone. In some ways, I'm thankful that some of these people are gone. It took a while for me to be able to let go. In the coming months, I will attempt to revamp this blog, in doing so, I hope to be able to organize my own thoughts as well.

I thank those who have stood by myside and those that no longer exist in my life, well..good riddance to bad rubbish.

The LandLord!

Something beautiful, a memory from the past. A song to commemorate Him. How did I forget? How did I fall away from it all?

He can turn the tides
and calm the angry seas
He alone decides
who writes a symphony
He lights up the stars
and makes the darkness bright
He keeps watch all through
the long and lonely night

He still finds the time
to hear a child's first prayer
Saints or sinners call
will always find him there
Though it makes him sad
to see the way we live
He'll always say
I forgive..

Second best..again. Almost but didn't quite make it. I tried, I really really did. :(

Misconceptions. Misdirections. People assume things. They assume that I can do it. They assume that I have it. For example, everyone thinks that I'm this nice person that does nice things. Some assume that I'm this bitchy person that does all the wrong things.

The truth of the matter is I'm just as confused as..well, as a mule in stuck in the arctic. That actually is a bad metaphor seeing as the mule would be dead considering how cold it is up there.

Then again I wish I was dead already.

I'm do not have suicidal tendencies. In fact, I love life. Everyday I try to do something different. Someone told me "do something that scares you everyday". Everything scares me these days. The lack of direction, the lack of a social life, the lack of cash, the turmoil of emotions that runs through my being everytime I see something that I don't like, the fury and the need to lash out at someone just because things are not going the way I want it to go.

But for now, I truly give up all hope. There's just no point in fighting the mass.

Kudos.