Okay..I got stoned tonight at Luconia. Again.
There I was, enjoying the music which I happened to transfer to the computer there and at the same time listening to the conversation going on around me. When I'm stoned, it feels like I can hear everything.
As I looked up, I saw that the tv was showing some rugby match on StarSports. Apparently, I was watching the Papua New Guinean team playing against some other team. There I was, stumped at the thought that Papua New Guinea actually has a rugby team! I was always under the impression that they are a poor country. I mean, seriously, half of the country is owned by RH already!
Shouldn't these players be a part of the country's workforce? Shouldn't they be working hard as either a blue collar or white collar "slaves" to international corporations? And what is the country feeding them anyway? Maybe they catch the smaller Papua New Guineans and feed them to the rugby players, what if them being known for eating people. Maybe that's why they're so big!
According to a reliable source, the first human to have contracted Mad Cow disease was in Papua New Guinea too! Think about it.
Another thing. Anyone of you realized that Luconia is called Luconia Cafe? Forgive me for saying this but.. "Whaaaaa?!!" There is not a part of the place that remotely resembles a "cafe".
1. The place is blue. The Aquarium, the lighting at the bar...everything's blue. Since when are cafes ever blue?
2. Instead of displaying drinks like macchiato or americano and stuff like that, we have countless bottles of booze on display, right behind the bar counter.
3. If you look at their menu, they serve coffee and tea. But if you look behind the bar, there's a whole lot of booze and a coffee machine that's so small even the 21 years old Chivas is bigger than it.
4. Also in the menu, we have ice-cream. If the place is intended to be a cafe then it has failed miserably. If the place is intended to be a bar..then what kinda bar actually serves ice-cream? I mean, have you ever seen someone get drunk and hear him say "Man! I feel like a double scoop of chocolate ice-cream now!"
I'm confused. As is Julian after I pointed out the above to him.
On a separate note, strawberry flavoured Mentos rocks! They taste exactly like the pink coloured ones that you get when you buy the mixed fruit ones but now I don't have to look for people to give the other colours to and keep all the pink ones to myself.
Listening to the same song over and over again. This is a very very good song. I love the words.
Hope dangles on a string
Like small spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye
Roped me in, so mezemerizing,
So hypnotizing, I am captivated,
I am vindicated, I am selfish,
I am wrong, I am right,
I swear I'm right,
Swear I knew it all along,
And I am flawed but I'm cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear,
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
Rendered me so isolated, so motivated,
I am certain now that I am vindicated...
I'm sure everyone knows the song. I just can't help but think it's one of the most wonderfully written lyrics in this era. Can't actually compare with Cobain or Corgan..but it's the millenium! What do you expect?
Oh yes yess!!! Its Thursday! Only one more day to go til Friday night! I love Friday nights. Infact, I love the weekend.
***Grins incessantly and claps happily
Nip/Tuck is a great show! It is so addictive. The plot, the scandals, the sex everything about this show is good. Well..that and the fact that I'm in love with Julian McMahon! I still prefer to call him Cole. You know, after what he was called as a human when he played Balthazar in Charmed. Some of you might recognize him as the villain in the superhero movie, Fantastic Four released earlier this year! Still doesn't ring a bell? Google it.
I hope I get good dreams tonight. I hope to meet those that I didn't get a chance to meet in real. I hope to do the things that I didn't get to do. I hope to say the things that I didn't get to say to people I wanted to see but didn't get to.
Good night, world.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My sister said to me in the car today, en route to Luconia...
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly!
I totally agree with her on that point. Marijuana has to be God's greatest gift to mankind.
So, I was thinking..what if I'm not addicted to weed or recreational pharmaceuticals or B? What if I'm just addicted to addiction. What if I just happen to like the feeling that I'm addicted to something or someone?
Scattered. That's the only word to describe my mindset right now.
Time to lie down and stare at the ceiling again.
Hello Wolf! Hey Nige! I know its you over there --->ImSt0ned
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly!
I totally agree with her on that point. Marijuana has to be God's greatest gift to mankind.
So, I was thinking..what if I'm not addicted to weed or recreational pharmaceuticals or B? What if I'm just addicted to addiction. What if I just happen to like the feeling that I'm addicted to something or someone?
Scattered. That's the only word to describe my mindset right now.
Time to lie down and stare at the ceiling again.
Hello Wolf! Hey Nige! I know its you over there --->ImSt0ned
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I have seen you walk down the street
The wind in your hair
Your eyes wide and full of expectations
You walked like the you owned the world
Taking in the sights and sounds
Not really listening
Not really seeing
Not comprehending
What goes on inside your head
I have seen you whisper into the wind
And smile for no reason
The lines on your face lighten up
The shadows in those eyes
Chasing away the demons of the past
Hope like butterflies
Float away in the warm summer's breeze
And you watch them
Watch them carry your dreams away
I saw you standing infront of your mirror
Naked with arms at your side
Staring at the reflection
Hoping to see what you once were
You touched the mirror
Touching your own reflection
And the cloak of sadness
That envelopes your being
Tweaks the strings of my broken heart
And I saw the tear
I hear your silent scream
And I wished you could see me
As I screamed the way you did
As I mourned for you
For the me that I saw in you
Certain now that I am
Looking at myself through
The cold hard surface of a mirror
Monday, October 17, 2005
"What do you mean you don't plan to live past 30?"
"Well, for starters I don't think there is a reason for me to live more than 30 years. I plan to do everything I want and can in the next five years." I replied, somewhat mechanically. I think that I have answered this question way too many times to too many different people. I cringed when I saw her face looking at me incredulously. "Nevermind, you wouldn't understand." I said, giving up.
Last Friday started with a lot of anticipation. I remember waking up and thinking "Yeay! It's Friday!!" Looking forward to the night. Looking forward to popping more pills, toking and insufflating numerous amounts of recreational pharmaceuticals. I learnt a long time ago that by rule, anything that crushes into powder can be insufflated.
And so we started.
Cher, Trev, Carlos and I. The fantastic four. It eventually became the phantasmagoric ten as the night wore on, but I'll save that bit for later. Of course Trev and Carlos did not smoke. They're not that much of a junkie like Cher and I; or maybe it was just me since I was the one who went "Light up!!!" first. So maybe I'm bad influence to Cher. So what? Sue me.
Anyway, the weed didn't do much.
After chilling out, just talking and hanging around for a bit, we decided to go out for a bit. Mainly because everyone wasn't smoking up except for Cher and I and that we were all getting anxious and fidgety just waiting for the Es. So we headed to Luconia for a few drinks. (Of course, where else do we go?!) Everyone else who were supposed to be in the party met up with us at Luconia. There was Serena, Mat, Anna, J, Lina and Fiona. Our sojourn to Luconia ended a little prematurely. The moment that everyone arrived, Mitch showed up with a grin and said "Guess who's got E??!!"
Suffice to say, we downed our beer in the least possible time and popped right there. 1 each. Every single one. Everyone left. It was all very methodical. I'm always surprised at how methodical junkies are. For example, if there's a planned party and you know that there will be drugs involved, everyone will bring their own respective things. Upon arriving at the venue, some will set up the sound system, others will start chopping up the weed, some will re-arrange the furniture just to accomodate...ourselves. I personally think that everything has to be baby-proofed too, because I hate hitting my knees on the corners of a low coffee table or waking up with scratches and scabs.
So upon arriving at the apartment, we were all high and ready to go. Of course everything was ready. Music, beer, weed, coke, vysine, MDMA in our system. Wooooo!!! What else could we ask for, really.
Well...NOTHING! Until the next day when I came down from my trip. It was a long euphoric one. I don't know about everyone else but I was having fun just hanging out in one of the rooms with the speakers and a very powerful subwoofer plugged into my notebook. At some point during the night, I ventured out of my comfort zone to check on everyone else. They looked alright to me. Noone made any comments about anything so I decided to go back to my spot, watching psychedelic graphics on my Windows Media Player 10.
I admit that I was waiting for that hard BANG!! that e usually gives you. It didn't happen though. It was one of those that goes up and stays constant for about 6-10 hours, depending on how many you popped. I was disappointed. I much rather prefer it when they hit me like a truck for just 2-3 hours. However, my eyes did start to run and for a while everyone looked like they had super huge heads and we wearing spectacles. Everyone was walking super slowly and robotic like the people in your dreams. Hence, phantasmagoric ten.
I don't remember much of what happened after that except popping more and smoking up again and before I knew it, it was 12noon! A lot of us were trying to get some sleep, mainly cause we knew that we needed it. However, noone slept much. Aftermath of e. Can't sleep, can't eat, jaw hurts, insides of your mouth are full of ulcers. Somebody managed to go out and grab some KFC. I was ecstatic but the moment that I took a bite of a piece of chicken, I knew that there is no way I could eat it at all.
Sucks. *Cusses like a cavewoman*
So then we hung around for a bit and did nothing. Really. With mdma still in our system, albeit being a minimal amount and jaws/cheek/body/head aching in general, I begin to wonder about why people actually pop it. I wondered about that then, I don't now. Infact, I wish I had some e right now.
But alas, when it comes to friends, there's usually politics and real life drama involved. Carlos and Trev are both into Cher. Surprised? I'm not. Carlos being the older Chinese guy didn't stand a chance. I kinda pity him a little. Trevor being the better looking but short caucasian that we kidnapped had a better chance. To top it all off, Mitch went off to one of the rooms and started texting Trev telling him that she's interested in him. Now this would be okay if Mitch is actually hot, but no..she's kinda pudgy and scary. And so...the world collapsed and pandemonium ensued. There was a terrible earthquake and everyone was swallowed by the great hell lizard named Fabian and there was only me and Mr. Laptopagus left and we popped more and the whole world was a better place again.
Yeah...I wish.
No, the world did not end. Pandemonium did not ensue. There is no such thing as a great hell lizard. Even if there is, I doubt if his name would be Fabian. Maybe Gork but definitely not Fabian.
*screams "HELL JEAH!" with a fist in the air for Gork*
What actually happened? Mitch didn't speak much again to anyone. Neither did Carlos. Cher, Trev and I are still hanging out although I feel more like an outsider now. I finally got home at around midnight, after spending a a little more than 36 hours out there and slept for a whooping total of 6 hours. My jaw still hurts, the ulcers are still there. I've not had anything solid to eat since attempting KFC.
But was it all worth it? Destroying your internal organs with drugs, poisoning your blood with mdma, toking off a bong, watching everyone with running eyes and not really comprehending anything that people say; going through the coming downs, the joint/jaw pains; just so you can experience that few hours of euphoric bliss where the whole world belongs to you and you alone knowing that at that exact moment, nothing anyone said or did could make break you anymore than they have already?
YES!
"I don't want to live past 30. I feel that if God were to take my life now, I would not have any regrets at all. And I would go while I'm on one of my e or k trips" That was what I meant.
"Well, for starters I don't think there is a reason for me to live more than 30 years. I plan to do everything I want and can in the next five years." I replied, somewhat mechanically. I think that I have answered this question way too many times to too many different people. I cringed when I saw her face looking at me incredulously. "Nevermind, you wouldn't understand." I said, giving up.
Last Friday started with a lot of anticipation. I remember waking up and thinking "Yeay! It's Friday!!" Looking forward to the night. Looking forward to popping more pills, toking and insufflating numerous amounts of recreational pharmaceuticals. I learnt a long time ago that by rule, anything that crushes into powder can be insufflated.
And so we started.
Cher, Trev, Carlos and I. The fantastic four. It eventually became the phantasmagoric ten as the night wore on, but I'll save that bit for later. Of course Trev and Carlos did not smoke. They're not that much of a junkie like Cher and I; or maybe it was just me since I was the one who went "Light up!!!" first. So maybe I'm bad influence to Cher. So what? Sue me.
Anyway, the weed didn't do much.
After chilling out, just talking and hanging around for a bit, we decided to go out for a bit. Mainly because everyone wasn't smoking up except for Cher and I and that we were all getting anxious and fidgety just waiting for the Es. So we headed to Luconia for a few drinks. (Of course, where else do we go?!) Everyone else who were supposed to be in the party met up with us at Luconia. There was Serena, Mat, Anna, J, Lina and Fiona. Our sojourn to Luconia ended a little prematurely. The moment that everyone arrived, Mitch showed up with a grin and said "Guess who's got E??!!"
Suffice to say, we downed our beer in the least possible time and popped right there. 1 each. Every single one. Everyone left. It was all very methodical. I'm always surprised at how methodical junkies are. For example, if there's a planned party and you know that there will be drugs involved, everyone will bring their own respective things. Upon arriving at the venue, some will set up the sound system, others will start chopping up the weed, some will re-arrange the furniture just to accomodate...ourselves. I personally think that everything has to be baby-proofed too, because I hate hitting my knees on the corners of a low coffee table or waking up with scratches and scabs.
So upon arriving at the apartment, we were all high and ready to go. Of course everything was ready. Music, beer, weed, coke, vysine, MDMA in our system. Wooooo!!! What else could we ask for, really.
Well...NOTHING! Until the next day when I came down from my trip. It was a long euphoric one. I don't know about everyone else but I was having fun just hanging out in one of the rooms with the speakers and a very powerful subwoofer plugged into my notebook. At some point during the night, I ventured out of my comfort zone to check on everyone else. They looked alright to me. Noone made any comments about anything so I decided to go back to my spot, watching psychedelic graphics on my Windows Media Player 10.
I admit that I was waiting for that hard BANG!! that e usually gives you. It didn't happen though. It was one of those that goes up and stays constant for about 6-10 hours, depending on how many you popped. I was disappointed. I much rather prefer it when they hit me like a truck for just 2-3 hours. However, my eyes did start to run and for a while everyone looked like they had super huge heads and we wearing spectacles. Everyone was walking super slowly and robotic like the people in your dreams. Hence, phantasmagoric ten.
I don't remember much of what happened after that except popping more and smoking up again and before I knew it, it was 12noon! A lot of us were trying to get some sleep, mainly cause we knew that we needed it. However, noone slept much. Aftermath of e. Can't sleep, can't eat, jaw hurts, insides of your mouth are full of ulcers. Somebody managed to go out and grab some KFC. I was ecstatic but the moment that I took a bite of a piece of chicken, I knew that there is no way I could eat it at all.
Sucks. *Cusses like a cavewoman*
So then we hung around for a bit and did nothing. Really. With mdma still in our system, albeit being a minimal amount and jaws/cheek/body/head aching in general, I begin to wonder about why people actually pop it. I wondered about that then, I don't now. Infact, I wish I had some e right now.
But alas, when it comes to friends, there's usually politics and real life drama involved. Carlos and Trev are both into Cher. Surprised? I'm not. Carlos being the older Chinese guy didn't stand a chance. I kinda pity him a little. Trevor being the better looking but short caucasian that we kidnapped had a better chance. To top it all off, Mitch went off to one of the rooms and started texting Trev telling him that she's interested in him. Now this would be okay if Mitch is actually hot, but no..she's kinda pudgy and scary. And so...the world collapsed and pandemonium ensued. There was a terrible earthquake and everyone was swallowed by the great hell lizard named Fabian and there was only me and Mr. Laptopagus left and we popped more and the whole world was a better place again.
Yeah...I wish.
No, the world did not end. Pandemonium did not ensue. There is no such thing as a great hell lizard. Even if there is, I doubt if his name would be Fabian. Maybe Gork but definitely not Fabian.
*screams "HELL JEAH!" with a fist in the air for Gork*
What actually happened? Mitch didn't speak much again to anyone. Neither did Carlos. Cher, Trev and I are still hanging out although I feel more like an outsider now. I finally got home at around midnight, after spending a a little more than 36 hours out there and slept for a whooping total of 6 hours. My jaw still hurts, the ulcers are still there. I've not had anything solid to eat since attempting KFC.
But was it all worth it? Destroying your internal organs with drugs, poisoning your blood with mdma, toking off a bong, watching everyone with running eyes and not really comprehending anything that people say; going through the coming downs, the joint/jaw pains; just so you can experience that few hours of euphoric bliss where the whole world belongs to you and you alone knowing that at that exact moment, nothing anyone said or did could make break you anymore than they have already?
YES!
"I don't want to live past 30. I feel that if God were to take my life now, I would not have any regrets at all. And I would go while I'm on one of my e or k trips" That was what I meant.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Hello Tuesday, Goodbye Monday
***2:08am, watching the world go by through my room window
There really isn't a lot to see through my window. All I can actually see are the headlights of the cars driving by, some trees and the moon. Nothing much ever happens out there anyway. My life needs to be more dramatic and full or surprises, be it good or bad.
Dreams are like shards from a broken mirror
Pieces fall onto the floor and hope dissipates
And like fools we trample on the sharp pieces
Blinded by the pain, we don't see our flesh separate
Our blood pours from the wound
But we are numbed and euphoric
Our lives are speared with lies
That stem from fractured politics
We have our doubts about reality
Our honorable faith are based on fears
We will shed our tears in vain again
Our poisoned blood will flow for years
Society's hedonistic ways are markers
Leading us to the broken souls' convocation
Tomorrows are the steps we take -
Just a little closer to eternal damnation
In conjunction with the price increase of cigarettes here in Malaysia, I have decided to cut down and hopefully quit smoking. (Note that I said smoking and not toking) Cigarette count of the day: 7. Not that bad as opposed to the usual full pack a day. Since I suspect that cutting down on smokes will lead to an increase in my weight (I tend to eat more when I don't smoke), I've also decided that I need to cut back on the drinking and late night sojourns to the local loklok stalls. My decrepit lungs and liver will thank me for it.
My personal opinion on the price increase:
I think it's stupid for the government to increase cigarette prices. If the price keeps going up, pretty soon cigarettes will become luxury items and we all know us Chinese, who are also one of the largest smoking community, loves luxury items. Why do you think Hong Kong has more Rolls Royce per capita than anywhere else in the world? Impressionable kids and adults alike will want to buy cigarrettes if not to smoke, then to fit in; to show that they can afford it. I think cigarette prices should remain constant.
B's response to my above rantings:
Spoken like a true nicotine addict.
My opinion:
STFU! I hope they increase the prices of booze too! Alcoholic! *Gives B the finger*
Too many people around me suffer from depression, insomnia and other psychological illnesses. All I can say is, get help. Drive to the General Hospital. Go to the specialist wing. Look for the word "Psikologi". Walk right in, register then wait. When it's your turn, tell the damn doctor that you can't sleep and whatever shit that's bothering you. When he asks you a question, reply with a NON sensible answer. He'll hook you up with Xanax. Or Prozac. Or Valium. Or Zoloft. Or whatever. And if you don't need it anymore, sell it to those who do. Why not make a profit out of it?
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, the whole world doesn't revolve around you. If you know that you have a problem, then wouldn't treating it be the right thing to do? Being depressed is NOT COOL dammit. Being insomniac is NOT COOL either. Being crazy could be cool, especially if you think you're a pirate with an eyepatch, has a parrot for a best friend, has a wooden peg for a left leg and you try to hijack a sampan and take the sampan man's earnings at the Kuching Waterfront. Arrrrrr!! Shiver me timbers!!
***8 out of 10 people who thought that they suffer from depression and/or insomnia DO NOT!
My advise is, get yourself certified and buy yourself a range of abuseable prescription drugs and stop whining. Infact, if you had the drugs, you wouldnt even be whining anymore!
With that said, I am going to click on Publish Post, pop a Xanax and go to sleep.
Life and modern medicine. Isn't it all just wonderful?
There really isn't a lot to see through my window. All I can actually see are the headlights of the cars driving by, some trees and the moon. Nothing much ever happens out there anyway. My life needs to be more dramatic and full or surprises, be it good or bad.
Dreams are like shards from a broken mirror
Pieces fall onto the floor and hope dissipates
And like fools we trample on the sharp pieces
Blinded by the pain, we don't see our flesh separate
Our blood pours from the wound
But we are numbed and euphoric
Our lives are speared with lies
That stem from fractured politics
We have our doubts about reality
Our honorable faith are based on fears
We will shed our tears in vain again
Our poisoned blood will flow for years
Society's hedonistic ways are markers
Leading us to the broken souls' convocation
Tomorrows are the steps we take -
Just a little closer to eternal damnation
In conjunction with the price increase of cigarettes here in Malaysia, I have decided to cut down and hopefully quit smoking. (Note that I said smoking and not toking) Cigarette count of the day: 7. Not that bad as opposed to the usual full pack a day. Since I suspect that cutting down on smokes will lead to an increase in my weight (I tend to eat more when I don't smoke), I've also decided that I need to cut back on the drinking and late night sojourns to the local loklok stalls. My decrepit lungs and liver will thank me for it.
My personal opinion on the price increase:
I think it's stupid for the government to increase cigarette prices. If the price keeps going up, pretty soon cigarettes will become luxury items and we all know us Chinese, who are also one of the largest smoking community, loves luxury items. Why do you think Hong Kong has more Rolls Royce per capita than anywhere else in the world? Impressionable kids and adults alike will want to buy cigarrettes if not to smoke, then to fit in; to show that they can afford it. I think cigarette prices should remain constant.
B's response to my above rantings:
Spoken like a true nicotine addict.
My opinion:
STFU! I hope they increase the prices of booze too! Alcoholic! *Gives B the finger*
Too many people around me suffer from depression, insomnia and other psychological illnesses. All I can say is, get help. Drive to the General Hospital. Go to the specialist wing. Look for the word "Psikologi". Walk right in, register then wait. When it's your turn, tell the damn doctor that you can't sleep and whatever shit that's bothering you. When he asks you a question, reply with a NON sensible answer. He'll hook you up with Xanax. Or Prozac. Or Valium. Or Zoloft. Or whatever. And if you don't need it anymore, sell it to those who do. Why not make a profit out of it?
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, the whole world doesn't revolve around you. If you know that you have a problem, then wouldn't treating it be the right thing to do? Being depressed is NOT COOL dammit. Being insomniac is NOT COOL either. Being crazy could be cool, especially if you think you're a pirate with an eyepatch, has a parrot for a best friend, has a wooden peg for a left leg and you try to hijack a sampan and take the sampan man's earnings at the Kuching Waterfront. Arrrrrr!! Shiver me timbers!!
***8 out of 10 people who thought that they suffer from depression and/or insomnia DO NOT!
My advise is, get yourself certified and buy yourself a range of abuseable prescription drugs and stop whining. Infact, if you had the drugs, you wouldnt even be whining anymore!
With that said, I am going to click on Publish Post, pop a Xanax and go to sleep.
Life and modern medicine. Isn't it all just wonderful?
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