Given that my strength is in communicating with people and plain old bumming, I should be very happy with managing the bar.

Yet, I feel that I've lost all forms of social life.

I do not play mahjong with my friends anymore.

I do not chat online as often anymore. Yes, I love chatting with unknown people. Faceless strangers all the way from the other end of the world, telling them things about my country, myself, my opinions. Mainly because it allows me my opinionated freedom without having to deal with irreconcilable differences or unsavoury facial expressions.

I don't have time to finish my games anymore.

Most of the men that hang out here are very touch feely. Some old dood decided to grab my left boob. Heh

Again and again, I find myself sinking lower into the vaults of depression. It has happened before and I'm pretty sure it will again.

Personally I still do not see a point in working all your life to pay for stuff that's prolly owned by the bank for most of your life. What if I just want a simple life? A little car for me to drive, a shelter over my head and most importantly, friends and acquaintances who may or may not fill in the empty voids in my life. Yes, there are many.

What would I change anything in my life if I wanted to?

I'd change myself. I'd change my DNA. I'd change everything about me and make it not me. I'd like to be someone else and I'd do things differently. I wouldn't mind being poor. I wouldn't mind being ugly; not that I'm actually that hot now. I wouldn't mind being stupid. I wouldn't mind not having what I already have now just to feel...again.

Maybe it's the after effects from various toxins either injected, insufflated or ingested in my system. Maybe it's just withdrawal symptoms. Who's to know? All I know right now is that I'd give anything and everything just to feel a little bit of happiness..a little bit of closure to the many unsettled issues brought forth from previous decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions that I cannot undo. Decisions that seem to route the path of my very unsequential and sporadic existence.

Werk

This is my life now.

Monady: Work
Tuesday: Work
Wednesday: Working while on weed
Thursday: Work + Stoneness = Lost
Friday: Work + Stress + Eramin
Saturday: Work + Stress + Stupid people + Withdrawal symptoms (Quitting Drugs)
Sunday: Dead