Count your blessings before you start feeling sad.

1. I have a roof over my head - It belongs to the folks.
2. I have a car - It belongs to my mom.
3. You have a job - at a bar, where killing my liver is a daily thing.
4. You're only 26, there's a whole life infront of you - I'm fuckn 26, what am I doing?
5. You're seeing someone - that I can't be seen with, who's life I don't have a right to, who's love I have to steal from another person.

It is said that God created all men equal. Why then am I born weak. I don't have the strength for this anymore. I'm only human. Add to that that I'm only a girl. My heart beats 72 times per minute just like everyone else's. It screams for attention just like everyone else's. It breaks just like everyone else's. Eventually, it will stop beating too - just like all of you.

So then I wonder when people tell me to trust God, that He's the greatest; do they actually believe that?

Do they not wonder about the inequality. Do they not feel sometimes...that in the grand scheme of things..or rather, in God's plans that they have somehow been made wrong. What do those blind people feel? Can they still honestly trust in God? That Jesus will one day ascend from his great throne and heal him? What if he dies before Jesus gets to earth? Does he wait for all eternity until Judgement Day? Now where's the justice in that? You get to see but by then he'll be either hell..which is pretty awful, so I've heard...or he'd end up with heaven and let's just face it, Heaven can't be that great a place to be. All the men dress in white, half of them has wings and God being all mysoginic thanks to Eve, would probably condemn us women all the way down to hell and more.

I wonder about the inequality.

Mostly, I wonder why didn't God grant me what I asked for. No, I didn't ask for wealth. I didn't ask for health. I asked for happiness. I asked for profound happiness.

Yet my life is so filled with sorrows and I sometimes wonder why am I not dead yet. Oh yes, because I lack the guts to end it all.

Which brings me to the next topic. Malaysia should allow us civilians to carry guns. Makes suicide so much more easier.

Oh well...time to fly.