If I hear, see or read the phrase "Praise be to God" one more time, I am going to shoot balls. Just bear in mind that it could be your balls that I shoot.

Why do some people believe in God so reverently? See, if I truly believe in the Christian God, I'd have to take into account other Gods as well. Christianity is by far one of the youngest religions. The long fought war over which God is the true God has been going on for too long. I can't even remember how long the israelis and the palestinians have been fighting over the Holy Land.

What makes them think that Jerusalem is the Holy Land anyway? What if the one true God is Krishna? Couldn't the Holy Land be in Calcutta then? Or maybe our one true God is Buddha and the Holy Land that they fought for is actually is Beijing?

And what about all those other Gods in other religions that died away ever since the birth of Christianity and the Bible? Whatever happened to worshipping the great God of the Sun, Amun-Ra? Whatever happened to mighty Gods of thunder and war like Thor in Norway or Ares for the Greeks?

Killed by ol' JC, that's what happened to them.

If any Gods existed in the first place, I doubt if children in Somalia and Africa would still be going hungry, running around half naked with bulging tummies. Let's face it, if your God is truly powerful and oh so loving, he wouldn't let these people suffer.

But that's my take on religion and Gods. However, if you still believe in the Christian God just remember the below three when you say type or read the phrase "praise the lord"

1. Everything shitty happens to you because your God works in mysterious ways i.e. he doesn't give a rat's ass about your life. Even less than I do.

2. Everytime you look into the mirror, remind yourself that you're God's joke. He probably placed you here to have a good laugh. As as a matter of fact, if you have drawer jaws, he's pointing a finger at you rolling around on his big fat ass laughing out loud.

3. If you're born ugly or if your mom is ugly or if your kids are ugly (or retarded, I might add) then you should DEFINITELY STOP consulting God. He's not gonna help. You're ugly or retaded because of DNA blow-up. THAT MEANS YOUR GENES SUCK! You have a bigger problem than lack of faith. It's called DOWN SYNDROME! maybe your DNA DOES NOT have the standard double helix! Maybe it's missing one end.