Okay, almost time to go home so I can wrap up my trip now. Upon arriving in Shanghai, I found that the place is actually quite clean and the skyline is great. Having been on ground level for the past few months however, I've found that there are certain things about Shanghai that I dislike.

The Men
I was told that Shanghainese are generally very proud. They pride themselves in being modern, shrewd, beautiful and the lord knows what else since they live in the largest city in China - also the ONLY city that actually resembles a city in China.

Three days into my trip, I was walking pass a park (not through it, mind you) when this guy grabbed my right arm and said in mandarin "Can we be friends?" to which I replied in English "I'm sorry, I don't speak Chinese", a lie of course - to which he said and I quote "ohh! uh..hotel! Make love!" so I grabbed him by the neck because I was angry and some girl came up and asked me what's going on and I told her and she in turn screamed for the policeman who was walking towards us already anyway and took the guy away. Asshole.

Okay..that's first encounter.

A week in, I realize that people here are not only proud. They are obnoxious. The chinks are rude, full of themselves and think that the world revolves around them. They are also under the impression that the whole world is trying to learn mandarin, that mandarin is the new franca lingua! Why? Because they themselves do not speak English and therefore, all the westerners that I've seen here carry around English - Mandarin dictionaries. DUMBASSES! It's not because they're trying to learn your language, it's because you don't speak the international language!

To survive in Shanghai, one must learn how to be rude and obnoxious. If I stay here any longer, I'd become as bitchy and as bitter as they are. Truth to be told, I've already adapted.

For example, everytime I walk out of the apartment building wearing one of the tops that I brought, men here (and I swear, they all look like Kim Jong Il) stare at my boobs..women too..and at my tattoo if I'm not facing them. I'd turn around and see them staring. Sometimes they'd walk really close to say something but I've never listened hard enough to hear what they're saying.

At first, I was annoyed at how conservative the people here are. And then I got pissed. So when this guy came up to me one day and said something, I told him really really loudly so that everyone around me could hear "DO NOT TALK TO ME! EVEN MY SHOES ARE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOUR LIFE!!" in mandarin..and he went quiet and I've never gotten stares from the people downstairs since.

People here are not used to girls talking back at them. You needn't worry about getting beaten up by triads like in Kuching either. Raise your voice once and they become all docile and nice.

I learnt two things from that experience.

1. My mandarin is fluent only when I'm angry.
2. People here are only nice to you if you're bitchy.

The Women
Next, I met this two Shanghainese girls Joy and Wei through a friend from Singapore. Let's call him T.
Joy and my Singaporean friend, T.

Now, T met Joy approximately four months ago on his first (I think) trip here in a club. T has since falled head over heels in love with Joy. T has also spent numerous amounts of call credits, calling and sms-ing her from Singapore. On top of that, he has also spent a lot of money on her, buying gifts and giving her cash to spend. He has once asked Jubes to help pass her RMB5,000 but Jubes refused, thank God.

Joy and her friend Wei told T a sop story about how Joy spent 9 years in Sydney and holds and Australian passport but doesn't like to speak English. T told me that everytime he speaks English she would scold him. Joy also likes to sleep and does not wake up til 4-5pm every day. She also goes to the salon everyday upon waking up.

Okay, that's the background. On the eve of the day that T was supposed to leave, he came over to hang out here and we smoked a few joints and then he started talking about her non stop. I think he himself isn't so sure of this girl which is why he keeps talking about and asking for opinions about her. He told me how she brought him to her aunt's place for dinner and promptly got introduced to her cousin who happens to be a bookie and is owing people RMB600,000 and that her family is trying to help him and can come up with RMB570,000 so she needed to borrow RMB30,000 from him. He also mentioned that she coulnd't go to the airport to see him off the next day because she would not be awake yet. (?!)

So being stoned and being sick of getting my stoneness killed by someone who wouldn't stop talking about her, I decided to tell him off.

Point 1: She meets him around 5pm everyday and then has dinner with us and leaves with her friend Wei at around 9pm or so. What does she do after that?

Point 2: What kind of friend would not see another friend off at the airport especially if he made this trip solely to see her?

Point 3: What does she do after 9pm everyday? Why does she wake up at 4pm-5pm?!

I pointed the above out to him and then I finally found out that she works in a nightclub as a hostess. He swears that she doesn't sleep with customers, she just sings and drinks with them!

My conclusion: She's just in it for the cash. Worst part, my friend hasn't even gotten to 2nd base with her yet. But let's be honest, my friend isn't exactly Brad Pitt either and having been single for the past 4 years, it's inevitable.

The People in General
So then I went to the salon, mostly out of boredom and the fact that it's really cheap here. The two guys that did my hair started talking to me, asked me where I'm from and all that. I told them that I am from Malaysia. No surprise that they don't know where it is but when I asked them what's good to eat in Shanghai, they asked me if I've ever been to KFC or McD's. I learnt that day that KFC and McD's are a luxury here. I know! WTF!! I almost laughed my head off at them. I went to KFC the other day and realized why. 1 piece of chicken costs 7 bucks. YARGH!

To make matters worst, they decided to try and sell me some L'oreal hair product for RMB800. Infact, this is how the conversation started.

Guy: Do you want to buy this hair treatment cream?

Me: What hair treatment cream?

Guy: This one. By L'oreal.

Me: Uh..How much is that?

Guy: Ohh only RMB800. Have you ever heard of L'oreal? It's from Paris.

At this point I started laughing and told him that L'oreal product is mediocre brand and are sold in supermarkets in Malaysia. Then I took out my Christian Dior eye shadow and asked him "Have you ever heard of Christian Dior?" to which he replied no and I said to him "In that case, don't try to cheat my cash." In anycase, he sold me the L'oreal hair mask for RMB200. I WIN!

As I was leaving the salon, the manager there decided to talk to me. She decided to critisize my face and my clothing. This is how the conversation went.

Manager: Where are you from?

Me: Malaysia

Manager: Ohh..*blank*. Your skirt's very short. *looks at my back* Ohh..no wonder. You have a tattoo.

Me: Yeah...

Manager: So you wear this to show off your tattoo?

Me: Look woman, I don't know what it is about you people and tattoos but mine has been around for about 4 years now and where I come from, 9 out of 10 of the girls I know has a tattoo so we really don't need to show it off anymore.

Manager: Oh..I see. Uh..do you want to do facial? You're very dark and your skin needs improvement.

Me: No, not really.

Manager: Why not? Girls in Shanghai come in here to do facials all the time. We don't use much make up, we stress on good skin.

Me: *insulted* Duh! women here don't know about anything other than trying to be beautiful because they need their looks to make money. Let's face it, half of you only know how to try and con people off their cash and the other half work in nightclubs, correct?

Manager: Yes, but still they are beautiful girls and have fair skin.

Me: Beautiful on the outside, dirty on the inside. I spend a lot of time at resorts all over the world to get the perfect tan. What about you? Have u been outside of China at all?!

Manager: Yes..Hong Kong.

Me: *laughs* Hong Kong was returned to China back in '97, haven't you heard? *walks away*

Again, all the above conversations were conducted in Mandarin and once more, my mandarin rocks when I am pissed! So HAH to you Latzes back home!

This is what I want to say to China