It's late at night, I'm sitting here by the radio,
Playing our song over and over again,
I am vindicated even though Im still angry
I'm confused when I'm sober
I'm lost when I'm high
I swallow my pills to take away
the memory of your smile
And I'm broken and all done for
I can't do this anymore
It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle
It feels as if I'm never good enough
Like trying to charter stars with Aristotle
I have to stop seeing you to save myself
Before I start to lose more than my sanity
Do you see how you hurt me?
Do you know how much I bleed inside?
In your mind your actions are justified,
That you have a reason for all that you do
I tried to understand,
to see it from your point of view
And to justify your actions too
But the only thought in my head
Before I fall asleep each night
Is that I'm not good enough for you.

I'm gonna call him Bob. I found Bob on the beach. Since then we have found that there's a special something between us. Bob loves me just like I love him. Bob has many legs and claws. Bob is able to carry about 4 AKs and 2 bombs..if he were bigger. But still..Bob rawks! But alas, I had to let Bob go. He was too young to be enlisted into my army of Malaysian Kung Fu Monkeys, Radioactive Hamster Chickens, Elite Commando Chickens with Full Body Tats and Destroyer Crabs with Nukes. :(

Here's my take on the Israel - Lebanon issue...and wars in general.

Blind faith kills.

Faith in God - Christians truly believe that their God exists despite the fact that Christianity is on the of youngest religion. I've seen things that Christianity doesn't explain since they condemn the existence of spirits and ghosts roaming the earth. They're there alright. If I could take a picture of them, I would.

Faith in Allah - Pamphlets, Bin Laden, Hamas, Hizbollah. WTF!

Faith in the system - This is why people join the army. And then they go nuts and blame the country. Malaysians do not join the army. Especially the Chinese. Well, not voluntarily anyway. We are too busy trying to make money.

Faith in our Leaders - Again, Bin Laden, Hitler, Bush..NEED I SAY MORE?!

*sigh*

Blind Faith Kills.

The clock is ticking and I am scared. Merely 12 hours to go. You weren't around when I needed you. How do I get pass this, I don't even know.

My friends and family and generally everyone else never fail to disappoint me. And I do mean everyone.

Hari ini, saya akan type blog saya dengan menggunakan Bahasa Melayu sebab saya bosan. Saya juga ingin find out berapa banyak yang dapat aku type dalam masa 30 minit.

.......

Okay. Bahasa Melayu saya tidaklah chun sangat. Masa SPM dapat unit 7. Sungguh menduka-citakan. Walau bagaimanapun, saya tidak ingin dikenali sebagai seorang Malaysian yang tidak faham BM. Jadi, hari ini saya "make effort" untuk type menggunakan BM.

Tetapi, activity ini tidak berjalan-lancar seperti yang diagakkan (sp?).

Saya putus-asa.

Heh

If I could choose to live life all over again, I'd correct all my mistakes and tell Ivan I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday to u too.

I do not remember what a normal relationship feels like.

Some people get to keep theirs. I get to annihilate them. Twice.

I am unable to care for myself.

I am not emo. I do not think "everybody hates me" and cry in the dark. It's more like "I hate everyone and would 'accidentally' pull the trigger in your face."

If I were a Lebanese, I would not be typing this. I'd be crouching around under pieces of debris trying to stay alive and away from bombs.

I need to get richer.

I want to tap into Russia's power and gas market. Unfortunately, they are asking for 80 million bucks. I have less that 0.1% of the said amount.

I died a long time ago. 2002 to be exact.

And I need to beat someone up. So if you want to give me crap today, feel free. Bear in mind that I might kick your ass. Bear in mind too that in the unlikely event that I fail to hurt you and get caught and go to jail for it, you can bet your ass that I will come back and try and try again until I succeed i.e. until you're rotting 3 feet underground, in a shallow grave behind my house, decomposing and nourishing my fruit trees. After that I'll be the goverment's problem. But if I get away with your murder, I'll probably deal drugs and weapons, if I can find the suppliers. Afterall, what company in their right mind would hire a jailbird? And if I get caught again then, atleast I'll rest well, knowing that you died in my hands :)

Bah

My "burstday" like I said was a quiet evening spent with friends and family. :) Pictures courtesy of Mr and Mrs Lester Lim.

This is one of the two recently acquired Frog Fish (I think). It wins the Luconian Award for the Most Unsavoury Looking Resident Drunk. Runners up include Lo and and Steven Ming, Dave's friend. Heh

These are the people that I truly truly love with all of my heart and soul. A few others are not in this picture and deserve to be mentioned. cheRie™ and Jubes arenn't even in the pic!

From Left: Jerome Lee, Fat-But-Now-Thin Uncle Bill, Ryan Lai, Gary Wong, Hope™, Garry Wong, Lester and Fiona. Oh yeah..the starfish behind, his name is Blue. The little yellow orange spec in the aquarium, that's Thomas. Thomas is a Clown Wrasse. I love Thomas.

From left: Jerome Lee, Fat-But-Now-Thin Uncle Bill, Hope™, Lester, Ryan Lai and Patricia. The necklace has to go. It's too long too bland too out of place. It's not a Freudian slip when I say "Bead it!"

I am 4 feet, buck toothed, cross-eyed...like I keep telling people..but they don't believe me. Skankin Hoes! Lester looks like a native and I think Fiona just went over the edge, back into insanity.

Ohh look! It's the Jubes! I love Jubes! Jubes is my best friend when I'm drunk, stoned or sober. Jubes is the rock that keeps me anchored to the ground. Otherwise I'd prolly get high and never come back down..literally. Jubes Rock! I love You Jubes! J00 4r3 +h3 B35+35+!!

This is the latest addition to my ever-expanding family. Welcome to the family Fiona, just to make it official. You've been family for years now. I hope you give me a good healthy baby nephew and name him Buster. Middle name Cherry. Buster Cherry, Buster! (I need to thank Cirrus for the idea, wherever he got it from).

See Jimmy? Hi Jimmy! Jimmy is my bartender. The resident bartender of Luconia. He has cool inks on his arm..and everywhere else. He will gladly show you his beer-belly (full tank for a sex machine, he calls it). Oh and me, looking wasted.

This is what I feel like at the end of the night. RIP. *sigh* Yeap..one of the two Frog Fishes died, we couldn't save him so we threw him into the drain behind. He's going to Fish-Heaven where he will meet his maker, the Supreme Kari Fish Head.

It's my birthday and I'll type whatever I want to..whatever I want to...

I'm older now and hopefully, wiser.

The birthday is the same every year. Meeting up with the gang, have a few drinks, talk a bit. Same shit, different pile. It was all good fun and I managed to not puke after 5 bottles of whiskey and half a bottle of tequila and B52s. *pats on the head*

See, the thing about birthdays is that it doesn't matter where you are or what you do. As long as you're with the people that you like, the people whose company you enjoy, people that you deem to be friends, you're alright.

They're not easy to come by. One would have to know a person really really long, to know his/her history, to understand why does he/she think/act the way he/she does. Some try to understand, most fail. Some just stab you in the back, I've had my fair share of that. I do not know why they bother though. Don't they know that I'm invincible? The only person who can take my life is God, diabetes and cancer. Unfortunately for you lot, God does not exist..so you're just going to have to wait for either diabetes or cancer to do the job. Don't worry, it's inevitable.

Incidentally, someone mentioned to me the other day that I was jealous of a certain friend before cause I wanted her bf. I was so shocked to find that this person thought this low of me. I have always felt that he understood that I was angry because Tek was in on the whole play with Yvonne's feelings thing. He even helped me log in and out to make sure that everything went smoothly when I decided to fool this evil biznatch with nasty teeth to believe that she can actually find love with a face like that. That m'dear, is a face only a mother could love. Unless the mother happens to be me because I'd so punch her jaws back into place, thus killing her.

Let me not digress. We were talking about friends. To those who actually tried to understand thank you. But to lester and Fiona - (they're a single entity now) Lester and Fiona FINALLY tied the knot. So congratulations both of you. However, screw you for not waiting for me and the rest of them for a mass marriage on the top of Mount Santubong! Goddam! - and Ms. Cherie Foo, my partner in crime..obviously also everyone else's partner in crime. You guys r0x0rs!

These are the people I want to remember when I'm old and possibly suffering from Alzheimer's.

A conversation with B

What are you going to do about it?

Nothing. Just sitting here wondering what to do next. There's a lot of things to be taken into consideration. It's not like it's never been done before. I'll just have to get through this one more time.

I'm surprised that you're not angry

No, no. Vindicated, magnanimous. There's is no point in getting angry anymore.

I understand, you're giving up?

Pretty much. What would you do if you were me?

I suppose I'd do the same too. Give it all up and then taking it a day at a time from then on. There's only 4 years left come this 15th.

I know.

Well, congrats and my condolences.

Thank you.

My emotional roller-coaster ride
Took me to the edge of life
I let go of my hands
Fell into this deadly dance
I cannot come back now
Don't want to, don't know how
And in the end, I lost it all
My dreams,
My hopes,
My heart,
My soul.

Free atlast.

Some men are just retarded. It is no wonder why some of their offsprings come out retarded.

After a string of emotional roller-coaster rides, I feel like regurgitating everything, including my memory of having ever to meet these retards and I do meet them on a daily basis.

If you're reading this, there is a big possibility that you are one of them.

Kudos.

Unfriendly world, why do you fool me so?
Have I angered you, Destiny?
I truly never wish it to be so,
It isn't my fault, don't you see?

*sigh*

Some random thoughts:-

1. I truly truly admire Kim Jong Il for his guts. Firing the missiles just a few hours after the 4th of July celebrations despite warnings from the US and UN, that's about as gutsy as it can ge and yet, I find his actions so beyond stupidity it's unbelievable.

Came across a few articles. One particular article from BBC News state that N. Korea's decision to fire the missiles were "provocative". Damn right it was provocative. I personally do not have any idea what Kim Jong Il is trying to prove at the moment. There really isn't any point to fire those missiles except to anger the US...and oh yeah, starving your citizens because all your resources are being directed towards making nuclear weapons.

Granted, the US itself isn't a role example either when it comes to "provocative" actions. I mean, what about Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Iraq?

Also, you'd think that if you're gonna make nuclear weapons, you'd make one that actually works! According to this, the missiles failed shortly after take off...WTF!! DAMN KOREANS! COME ON! REVERSE ENGINEER IT! GO!

*sigh*

2. I finally finished reading the 6th book of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and I CANNOT BELIEVE DUMBLEDORE DIED! WHAT A RIPOFF! DUMBLEDORE IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER!! AAAAARRGGHH!! YES IM A FAN SO WHAT!

3. Quem imortalem, quem mortalem.

I admire Kim Jong Il for his guts to launch their missiles despite warnings from the UN and the US just a couple of hours after the American Independence Day celebrations and yet I positively despise him for ignoring the well-being of North Korea's innocent civillians.

Directing resources to making/testing nuclear weapons instead of pumping back into the economy to encourage GDP growth is plain stupid. Worst off, the Taepodong 2 is supposed to reach alaska. According to sources, it failed upon take off and only reached the sea of Japan.

If you're gonna make a weapon, make sure it works! gee

Granted, the US isn't exactly Saint Peter either when it comes to weapons and war. But hey, who are we to judge them. I just hope the stock market plunge in N Korea and Japan won't affect us in South East Asia so much.

And to think that our currency was just strengthening. Do we have economic ties with N. Korea?

Hmm..time to go research this.

On a lighter note, maybe now there'll really be a Godzilla! I want Godzilla for a pet. I'd name him Buster.

Buster will love me like noone else does. Buster will be my best friend. Buster will kill all of you who had shun me! Buster hates world! RAWR! BUSTER HUNGREEEEEE!!!

Therre are days when i wake up and all I want to do is curl up in a foetal position on the floor, rocking back and forth on my side mouthing "make it go away, make it go away..." over and over again.

Yes, i cannot do this anymore.

See, my take is I must've done a lot of things wrong in my past life which is why I have to pay for all my past sins in the present life. But haven't I paid enough? Isn't it time for a break?

:(