Run away from reality, my friend
Insanity is your one true friend
This is it, this is the end
But I'm vindicated, free from blame

It is not I who is a failure
It is not I who wasn't sure
Your stupidity is beyond measure
Your idiocy is something even God cannot cure

I think my world just came crashing down.

I think I'm having a panic attack but I can't really tell.

I think I need to take a few steps back, create an opening for myself to escape from this whole situation, walk away with atleast a little shred of dignity.

I think I lost this war, this time.

I think my heart is broken but I'm too numb to tell.

I think I want to cry but I can't.

Like Velvet Underground once sang "...and I think, I just don't know"


***Note to self: No more...no more..

I can't remember how long has it been since I felt even remotely awake and sober. It scares me that I'm only happier, more outgoing when I'm stoned or drunk. Good news is, I ran out of weed. From 250grams to NONE. Took us 3 months. Bad news is, I'm drinking a lot more than I'm supposed to.

I've lost directions. Most of my days are spent at home now until I'm ready to head to Luconia and offer my liver up as sacrifice for a few hours of alcohol-induced happiness. I don't want to work. Work sucks. Having to adhere to rules and conform to societal norms suck.

Friend of mine, Sylvia finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I think she's going to name him Cedric. How cute. He's all small and squint eyed and has already mastered the art of Kung-Fu. The kid can kick. I want one too but mine will be a whole lot more adorable! Otherwise I'd just hate him. Oh, it has to be a him..otherwise, why bother? Little girls are just annoying.

So yeah, I guess if you are old and rich and can't find anyone to give u a baby..holla me back! I don't want to work anymore and I want a kid too, so as long as you can offer us financial security we're all set. You don't even have to be hot..I'll provide the 'hotness'. My family has good strong dominant genes, I swear.

*sigh*

Remember how I said men in China look like Kim Jong Il and they like to stare at my boobs?

Photo from B. White of Murder in a Tuxedo.

Give me life tonight
For I grow weak and cold
From this superficial world
I wish to cease
A part of my soul
Wretched in a mass of deceit
But what is truth
And which are lies
My tired mind cannot derive
I watch another sunrise
And wait for its setting rays
To grace upon the land
the land that I wish to be free from
the land which I'm rooted upon

Show me life
For I cannot remember
The smell of fresh cut grass
and unadultered innocence
The taste of morning breeze
and blind naivety
I close my eyes and wait
for the descent of slumber
Glorious sleep, glorious sleep,
Elude me not this day
Blessed slumber,
I bid you Good morning,
and with this
Let my dreams take flight.

People I know are hypocrites.

They pretend to be nice and they expect me to pretend to be nice to people that I don't like. Why? What's the point? Why do I have to sit through a dumb meaningless conversation, put up with pointless formality and pretend that everything's fine and dancy. Please, spare me.

If I don't like you, I have the right to just stay away from you. Otherwise I might end up doing and/or saying things that I may or may not regret.

Suffice to say though, I seldom say things that I regret. What's the point? I believe that I am most honest when I'm pissed.

I wake up to find that this burst of anger is uncalled for but right now, I am seriously pissed at just about everyone and I am allowed to gripe because guess what? It's MY blog!

Oh..Special hugs for Nige Powah! If there's one thing you taught me, it's this:

"I BOMB YOU CUNTREE! YOU ARE DIE NOW!!!!"

People I know are hypocrites.

They pretend to be nice and they expect me to pretend to be nice to people that I don't like. Why? What's the point? Why do I have to sit through a dumb meaningless conversation, put up with pointless formality and pretend that everything's fine and dandy. Please, spare me.

If I don't like you, I have the right to just stay away from you. Otherwise I might end up doing and/or saying things that I may or may not regret.

Suffice to say though, I seldom say things that I regret. What's the point? I believe that I am most honest when I'm pissed.

I wake up to find that this burst of anger is uncalled for but right now, I am seriously pissed at just about everyone and I am allowed to gripe because guess what? It's MY blog!

Oh..Special hugs for Nigel. If there's one thing you taught me, it's this:

I BOMB YOU CUNTREE! YOU ARE DIE NOW!!!!"

If you take an orange and start throwing it against a wall til it's soft and then throw it onto the floor and start jumping on it over and over again, letting the juice spray everywhere until there's nothing left but a dirty messy pile of orange pulp and peel..you'll find that that's how I feel right now.

Crushed. Orange Crushed.